I’ve had 13 car accidents – all of them minor (apart from the time I nearly died but that was nothin’) - and I’m still kickin’. Of those 13 accidents, a few of them involved my boss’s company car.

Once, I decided to it would be a good idea to drive it onto a beach. I then had to call him and get him to winch me out with his four wheel drive.

Another time, I grabbed the car under the auspices of going out to do a job but really I was slipping home for some more time on the Nintendo to play Mortal Kombat. I then fell asleep on the couch and realised I’d been out of the office for two hours.

In my rush to get back to work, I scraped the boss’s car along my front fence as I backed out. Can you see me trying to explain that one? I managed to but….

Another time, I was late for work (again) and in my haste to park, I reversed straight into the boss’s car…..HARD. My boss heard the smash, came out and said something to me I’ll never forget purely because it was heartfelt. “You fuckwit! Did you ever watch that show, "Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em?"... Well you're fucking Frank Spencer!”

Stay tuned for more car accidents from the vault!

I love my video games and one day, after playing a driving game for hours the night before, I was hooning around on my way to work. It was pouring rain and I was doing 60 on a bend which had a yellow sign which said 50.

Instead of slowing down, my brain went into computer game mode and I thought to myself, "If I can just get the right line into this corner, I can start sliding but I should be able to correct and get out of it just like a rally driver."

Can you believe I was thinking like that?

Sure enough, the back end of the beat-up old Astra slid out and instead of executing a perfect slide around the corner, I over-corrected, slid out into on-coming traffic and back in a deep gutter and skidded to a halt a foot from a power pole.

The Greasy Pig was lucky.