In it's heyday in the mid to late 1990s and even into the early 2000s, Marbles was simply out of control.

The Greasy Pig went to Marbles again a couple of weeks ago and was woken up by a bouncer in the carpark.

Not because he was so drunk (this time), but because it was so fuggin boring!

There would have been 100 people there and of that, only about 40 had wobbly chests.

And of that 40, there were only 20 you'd seriously consider swapping DNA with.

In the good ol' days, you couldn't move in the Cacko.

Thousands of sweaty, drunken men and women all came together to make it a truly memorable day.

There were so many people they used to close off Caxton Street to have a street parade.

But amid all the heaving, large-breasted women and the dickhead drunks, there was a group of men who stood taller and prouder than a honeymooner's dick.

They were the Travellin' Fats.

A group of men thrown together by circumstance but bound by one creed:

"Drink till ya piss yourself and vomit outta your nose."

The Fats were Marbles.

We had the best outfits, the best drinkers and the best war cries.

We won the best cheer squad in 1999 which was the same year the Greasy Pig got permission from six, that's right, SIX women to either show him their breasts or let him feel them.

Sorry if my girlfriend at the time is reading this but I was on fire!!! And I didn't enjoy it..... sort of.

That was also the year a certain drunken redhead bought $20 worth of chicken chippees from Hepatitis Harry's.

Anyway, the Fats, when they weren't purposely pissing their pants, had a number of chants and cheers and I'd like to share some of these for posterity. The Fats' songs

I wish “I wish I was a Punk Rocker” by Mandi Thom would just piss off and die a horrible death.

I say this for a number of reasons.

If you really listen, I mean REALLY listen, to the lyrics, they are utter crap!

It’s like she made up the words to this drivel while sitting in a public shithouse in Redfern reading the bloody toilet wall graffiti.

I’ve heard a bunch of drunken arseholes going by the name Travellin’ Fats come up with waaaay better lyrics to far more appealing songs.

Who could forget that famous song, “Oh when the Fats go marching in…..suck on my fat, you dirty rat!” Pure poetry!!

Or the timeless classic, “Get your tits out for the boys!” A real crowd pleaser.

Then of course that family favourite, “Charlotte the Harlot”. The kiddies love that one.

I’m also ranting about Sandi Thom’s piece of crap because it’s going to make her filthy rich because it has a catchy tune.

But the actual lyrics are nonsensical and childish.

Firstly, name one…ONE….punk rocker who wore flowers in his hair?

If you take punk rocker as a literal, you’re talking about the Sex Pistols or The Clash.

If you were singing about punk rockers such as these, you would be saying, “I wish I was a punk rocker, with safety pins in my face”.

No self-respecting punk rocker would be seen dead with flowers in his hair so why does Sandi Thom think she can make a parallel with some pot-smoking hippie and a drown-in-your-own-vomit punk rocker?

And also, how can people sing along or listen to this crap song and not realise punk rockers don’t put flowers in their hair?

Is the Greasy Pig the only person in the country who can see through this shit?

Sid Vicious hated flowers.

One sordid evening in a London underground sex party, he and the Greasy Pig were enjoying a few cleansing ales and the company of some lovely young ladies with purple hair and black fingernails who begged Sid to vomit on them.

It was pure punk culture.

Then some wag ran up to Sid and said, “Oi Sid, what do you reckon about putting these flowers in your hair at your next ….”

Before he could finish, Sid had glassed the poor bugger in the face and shoved the flower up the eye of the bloke’s dick. Ouch.

So along comes Sandi Thom with a catchy tune but she just can’t quite make, “I wish I was hippie rocker with flowers in my hair” fit in with the music.

Hmmm, what are you gonna do Sandi? I know, why don’t you just throw the first monosyllabic musical word you can think of in there and just release the song.

And what about the line, “Footballers still had long hair and dirt upon their face.”

Hasn’t she ever seen a modern football game of any sort in her life?

Every weekend you can see footballers running out with long hair and mullets. Take Kane Cleal at Manly or Hawthorn’s Joel Smith or the Wallabies’ George Smith!

Sandi Thom has proven herself to be very talented….very talented at being a brain-dead dimwit unable to think of anything other than the crap lyrics she and every friggin radio station are forcing into our eardrums every day.

Take a stand, fight back. Phone the radio stations and put forward this point of view. Spread the word. Don’t hold back.

Maybe I can release a no.1 hit with the same tune…..

I WISH I WAS A GREASY PIG, WITH LADIES IN MY BED

FIRST OF ALL WE’D 69 AND THEN THEY’D GIVE ME HEAD

I DON’T KNOW THEIR NAMES, I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY SAID

OH I WISH I WAS A GREASY PIG, WITH LADIES IN MY BED